I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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