Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
