I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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