I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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