I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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