Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
