Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
