This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
