New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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