i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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