How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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