my vag is so smooth its legendary
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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