3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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