We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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