I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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