and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I am naked and annoyed.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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