You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my shit smells like andre
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
