I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
