hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
