And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
