Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
