Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
