I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
