I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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