Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
