i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
