sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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