the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
