just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
