I wanna passion pit in your ass
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
