i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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