i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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