Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
