Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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