Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
