Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
