just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
