Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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