If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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