Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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