Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
