I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
