the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
