I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
