addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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