I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
