i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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