I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
