so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
