Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
