come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
