Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
