he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
